Day 11 - the WHO names Omicron a “variant of interest”

I finished this book last week…

12/4/21. Sunday

Last week I finished reading The Lazy Genius Way. There was so much going on that I didn’t have time to write the book review so here it is: 

I’ll start by saying that I liked this book.  This is a how-to guide for showing busy, overwhelmed mom’s how to get things done. Unfortunately, there’s a Christian-bent theme coming through and it starts in the Introduction, although I can appreciate her reference to the Proverbs 31 woman who, to me, comes across more like a female entrepreneur (depending upon your interpretation) but who is almost never referenced secularly (which I can understand), OR in the Christian doctrine (which I don’t understand). 

Anyway, the author of this book and the host of the corresponding podcast, Kendra Adachi, says at the start that our new mantra is this: Be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don’t. She provides 13 Lazy Genius principles that, coincidentally, comprise the 13 chapters of the book. Most of the principles I’m familiar with or have utilized, but one in particular resonated with me. This happens to be the “Decide Once” principle, i.e., make a decision and stick with it.  

She provides several examples, but I liked how this principle works as it pertains to clothes. Every Monday, Kendra wears the same outfit – a black T-shirt and jeans. When the weather’s cold, it’s a chambray T-shirt and black jeans. What a great idea! so I incorporated it. I wear the same outfit when I’m going bird watching, hiking, or biking.  Cargo pants for the bird watching and hiking; black leggings for the biking; and a corresponding T-shirt and sweatshirt. Done.  I never have to think about what to wear for these scheduled activities again. You can also apply the “Decide Once” principle for, say, every Wednesday…much like Kendra does for her Monday attire. This is a small suggestion, but it frees up the bandwidth so your brain can focus on other things, you know? 

Kendra also applies this to “gifts.”  Buy the same gift for your child’s teacher, no matter what the year. Or the same gift for weddings and baby showers. Done. You never have to think about what to buy for these events again because you’re buying the same gift over and over.

Or meals…if you’re inviting a new group to your house, have the same tried-and-true meal in your back pocket. In other words, don’t reinvent the wheel – make the same meal that you’ve already mastered. Kendra also recommends serving the same meal to your family on a particular day of the week…like “Taco Tuesday.” At Kendra’s house, they have Pasta Monday, Pizza Friday, and Leftovers Saturday.  Although I no longer cook consistently, this idea would have been invaluable to me when I was a single mother cooking dinner for L. I don’t particularly agree with Kendra’s meal plan: 1) Pasta Monday [a starch and a carb]; Pizza Friday [a starch and a carb]; Leftovers Saturday [???]…but there are lots of ways to “Decide Once” for meals in a way that works for you. 

Or cleaning…decide you’re going to “vacuum” every Thursday.  Then, you never have to worry about when to vacuum again. Etc. 

Kendra has an easy way of writing and connecting with her readership…she’s also very funny, even if there’s too much of the Jesus-thing going on in her chapters. The book contains practical information for the frazzled mom, which is helpful…but the ultimate question is never asked: Where is the dad and how is he contributing to running the household?  If the pandemic is any indication, the husband/father continues to do almost nothing and it appears that, over the past 30 years, egalitarianism between husband and wife was never achieved.  The evidence is the million or so women who were forced to leave the work force after schools closed so they could provide daycare for their children and monitor their kids’ virtual education because their husbands simply refused to do it. 

If men contributed more to raising their children and maintaining their household, women wouldn’t need books like these. But male participation is paltry and self-help books for working (white) Moms are published consistently because women continue to look for the “magic beans” that will finally make everything fall into place.  Although these suggestions are helpful, and even useful, these types of publications are perpetuating the problem by cementing a flawed system and making women believe that if they were simply more organized, life would run smoothly. In other words, women are brainwashed to believe that the chaos and lack of organization in their lives is their fault. But that’s a lie that the patriarchy keeps forcing down our throats so they can avoid participating in childcare and continue living their fun, care-free lives.  The only time child-care equality is truly achieved between a mother and father is through joint custody, a la divorce.  

When L. was 3-years-old, I realized that I was singlehandedly raising my daughter, while simultaneously  working two jobs, even though I was married to her father. One day, I left at 6:00 a.m., for my 8:00-4:30 shift at my state job. After work, I reported to my second job, as an adjunct instructor, from  7:00-10:00 p.m. After class ended, I arrived home at 10:30 p.m., only to be told by my husband (L.’s father) that he had kept the baby up because he was waiting for me to come home, give her a bath, and put her to bed. L.’s father was lying on the couch, watching TV, as he shared this with me; L. was wandering around in her street clothes, holding onto her Pooh Bear, exhausted. 

I filed for divorce a couple weeks later. 

If I’m already doing everything on my own, what is the point of staying married? It was very much like having two children when my ex stopped pulling his weight after L. turned 2.. I suppose many women would be forced to stay for the financial security that a dual-income household provides; however, if your partner is spending you/household into the ground [by the year 2005, at my husband’s insistence, we had THREE cars with car payments totaling $1200 a month and astronomical car insurance] and contributing nothing in the way of housework and childcare, marriage does not make much sense.  

If I’m already raising L. on my own, I might as well leave and keep doing it on my own. Why would I allow my partner to continue exploiting my energy for his own benefit? 

The only way to make a father contribute his fair share to the child-rearing process is through a court order mandating joint custody as a result of divorce. My ex and I opted for “2-weeks on / 2-weeks off” and L.’s Dad was actually forced to raise his own child…after 20 years I can honestly say he did a pretty good job…but he never would have participated the way he did if we had stayed married. For me, I was granted a 2-week reprieve every month, as opposed to handling everything 365 days a year. This allowed me to be my best self and a great Mom during my designated 2 weeks with L. By the time L. was 9, she opted to stay with me the majority of the time, which I loved, because she was 9 and almost fully independent. The hardest years were over.     

If only there were a book entitled, “Ask Your Husband: How Asking Your Husband to do as much shit as you do will ultimately take a load off your plate and allow you to sleep six hours.”  But the title is, in fact, the entire book because there is nothing else to add…so the page-count would be 0 and a 0-page count doesn’t sell copies.

 —————

10:00 – I’m awake, but I go back to sleep. 

12:00-12:30 – I’m still in my pajamas and I go downstairs to take the dog out, but just as I’m petting the dog, L. and her boyfriend, T., arrive. Since I’m still in my pajamas, I run upstairs, then call down to L. to take the dog out, please.  

12:30-1:30 – L. and T. leave and I return to the kitchen. Several boxes of the Harry and David cookies were delivered so I take this time to break down the cardboard and store the cookies. L. left some of her personal items on the barstools so I bring them up to her room. Kitchen duty. 

1:30-2:00 – I drink my coffee and read a Money Diary. 

2:00-3:30 – Shower. Wash hair. Covid-19 uniform. Lotion. Light make-up. Blow-dry hair. I listen to Be Wealthy and Smart and Market Place.

3:30-4:00 – I eat my leftover spring rolls. 

4:00-5:00 – I take the dog for a walk and bring along two Irish chocolates that B. brought back from Ireland. As I’m walking the dog, I run into Mr. Darby with his dog and we talk about our girls, the colleges they picked, and how they’re doing. 

5:00-9:30 – Gardening. The yard is filled with leaves! I sweep and rake the leaves, sanitize the Astroturf, and water my plants.  I listen to The Productive Woman’s book reviews and Spooked. 

9:30 – I put my trash cans out; then 

10:00-11:00 – Kitchen duty and I ready my coffee for tomorrow. I also pull my Xmas plates and cups down so we can use them for the month of December. I eat two shrimp tempura and some of B.’s pineapple fried rice. 

11:00-1:30 – I read a Money Diary and accidentally fall asleep. Oops!  Up and I change into work-out clothes. 

2:00-3:00 – I do a 10-minute Insanity Ab workout, followed by a 30-minute Insanity Max – Strength workout. 

3:00-4:00 – Blog post followed by my bullet journal. Nighttime routine. Bed.