Day 43-Governor Newsom reinstates the mask mandate in California

I finished this book today…

“Striders” met at Valencia Heritage Park this evening…

1/27/22. Thursday 

10:30-11:00 – Another headache.   I take two Advil and go downstairs to say good morning to the animal. When I go downstairs, the dog is gone!  This is very unusual but I’m sure she’s just running around outside on the patio and I relish the silence. OMG, this is so great!

-All of a sudden the dog shoots through the doggie door like a bullet, sees me standing in the kitchen, and runs and jumps on my legs. We head back to the patio because I can’t be certain if the dog went potty while she was outside. I stand around while she does her business, then we return inside: coffee for me, turkey for her. I go upstairs.

11:00-2:00 – I read Crash: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver, then break for a piece of almond butter toast.

-I call another contractor and arrange for a second bid on the roof.

-I call Waste Management and ask them to replace my trash can because the lid is cracked and broken.  Every time it rains, the trash can fills with water.

2:30-3:45 – I spend this time trying to purge podcasts and free up gig space on my Ipad.  Currently, I can neither delete nor upload my podcasts so I troubleshoot and try to fix the problem.

3:45-4:45 – Shower. Lotion. I put on my walking uniform. Make-up. I listen to Maintenance Phase – the Fat Camps episode.

5:00-5:30 – I take the dog for a walk and continue listening to Maintenance Phase.

5:30-6:00 –I have a leftover Xmas dinner that I previously froze. L.’s broiled vegetables and my yams sit in my stomach like lead.

6:00-6:30 – I drive to my Striders walking group.

6:30-7:30 – We meet at Heritage Park and walk the paseo loop. We walk on the residential streets, in the neighborhood surrounding the park, and these homes are beautiful., especially in the evening. Nighttime smooths out the rough edges, don’t you think? It’s another cold, crisp night and  I keep a moderately fast pace because I need the cardio. I end up averaging approximately 2.5/3 miles in about 1 hour.

7:30-8:00 – Drive home.

8:00-9:00 – And Just Like That drops every Thursday so I watch the most recent episode.  I can fill my body start to stiffen.

9:00-11:00 – I finish reading Crash – it’s a fast read. What a nightmare!

Rachel Michelberg is married to David and they have two children.  A photograph of the four of them playing in the snow was taken two months before David is involved in a horrific biplane crash.  They  look happy…but they’re not.  Is any marriage a good one? Rachel takes us back in time to when she and David first met…in fact, he was her fourth engagement…and covers this period of her life in just 19 pages.  They marry in 1995.  

David is blond, blue-eyed, and Jewish. Munich is his hometown and he speaks German, as well as English. Throughout this memoir, David’s occupation is only spoken of in vague terms – I can’t figure out what he does and it’s never addressed. He has Rachel’s engagement ring mailed to his “high tech office”; he works in a “cubicle”.  That’s about the extent of the description of where he works. 

By 2005, Rachel is already having an affair with Mark, a married man, because, quite frankly, she can’t stand David. Rachel complains to Mark that David “sleeps late, answers every question with a sarcastic comment, and shirks housework.” Uh…okay…I’m not part of their marriage but it appears that David sleeps late because he works late [working at what exactly? Nobody knows…] and if he doesn’t want to do housework [who does?] can’t you both just hire a housecleaner? But, it gets worse. David spends hours playing video games, “teases” constantly [which means he’s an asshole], and he SMOKES!  A smoker…so gross…Rachel, don’t have an affair…get a divorce. 

Rachel is brutally honest about her feelings towards David and the kids.  It’s off-putting. Although she’s been a mother for at least eight years, she views herself as a professional classical theater singer AND cantor, which has no basis in reality. She’s the cantor for her synagogue…that’s it. Here’s a passage of Rachel’s feelings on motherhood:  

“Although I always intended to have children, I had not prepared for the supreme selflessness parenting requires.  Back-to-School Night? You have to miss rehearsal. You’re sick and feel like crap? You still have to get out of bed, make the kids breakfast (and a bag lunch), and schlep them to school.  You want those beautiful suede boots? You buy your daughter shoes instead, since she outgrows them every two minutes and buying both just isn’t in the budget.” 

Yes…this is what it means to be a mother, but is it so bad?  I’ve always liked Back-to-School night and I prefer spending money on L. instead of myself. These are such minor sacrifices in exchange for the privilege of raising and spending time and watching your child develop into a young adult. I loved being a Mom when L. was younger…I still do. But the difference between Rachel and me is that being a Mom has always been MY primary identity; Rachel’s primary identity is a theater/opera singer, which is odd because she’s NOT a theater/opera singer. 

Sidebar:  I read a lot of self-help books because I find them interesting and many years ago I started reading Gary Keller’s The One Thing. The main premise of the book is to “simplify one’s workload by focusing on the one most important task in any given project.”  In other words, if you can establish your most important priority, “your one thing”, then that will take precedence in your life and everything will fall into place as far as activities, time management, tasks go. You need only set your priority.   

The problem is, according to Keller, is that most people don’t know their one thing. The book takes the reader through a series of questions and exercises to help establish what that one thing might be. I was on my treadmill at home, reading the book while I walked, and the first question was, “If you know, what is your most important priority?” I immediately answered, “Being the best Mom I can be.”  Then, I threw the book on the couch and never read it again. Didn’t have to.  L.’s been my one thing since birth and I’ve been living my life according to that one value. This is a blessing and a curse…because children eventually grow up.  

—————- 

Back to the memoir…so in 2005, David’s “co-worker” [what are their occupations?} calls Rachel and tells her David was in a plane crash as he and the pilot flew home from a “business trip” involving their “start up.”  What the hell does this guy do for a living? As you might expect, the injuries are severe and David is brain damaged, losing his memory in the process.  After he recovers, he has no filter.  For example, one day he stares at Rachel, expressionless, and says casually, “You always were a bitch.” When his 5-year-old son is climbing on him in his hospital bed, David yells “Get that boy off me!” I laughed out loud over these exchanges. 

The title of the memoir – Crash: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver – is misleading because Rachel NEVER becomes a caregiver. She and the kids visit David at a few rehab facilities for several months before Rachel makes the decision that she is not going to take David home, which I fully support. Rachel dumps him off at an adequate nursing home and washes her hands of the whole thing…David’s sister, Dora, swoops in, pulls David out of the nursing home, and moves him to Israel to be with her, where she (Dora) cares for him the rest of his life. Rachel gets a divorce. 

This is the main plot, but there are several sub-plots:  while Rachel navigates the health care/rehab system and agonizes over her future, Mark’s wife finds out that they were having an affair and embarks on a stalking campaign to include numerous hang-ups on the house phone [2005-cell phones are not mainstream] at all hours of the day; vandalizing Rachel’s car; and spray-painting “hor” on her front lawn. Mark basically says, “Uh…sorry about that…” does nothing, and refuses to leave his wife because, as a financial consultant, she’s supporting him. Rachel ends the relationship. 

There’s more. Somehow, Rachel develops a perforated colon and spends 10 days in the hospital. Her kids are traumatized as both parents are out of commission. Rachel’s Mom dies. Dora [David’s sister] and another family member go to the bank and try to withdraw Rachel’s entire savings on behalf of David – this attempt is thwarted by a savvy bank manager. When it rains, it pours. 

Think Lady Parts, but circa 2005. 

2005/2006 is a shit show for Rachel.  I highly recommend this book.

——————- 

-L. is out with her friend A., having dinner at Piccola Trattoria.

11:00-12:00 – Blog posts

12:00-1:00 – L. returns and spills the tea regarding what’s happening with A.’s boyfriend’s parents. Spoiler Alert: her boyfriend’s parents are nuts.

1:00-2:00 – Blog posts

2:00-2:30 – I take the dog out and lock up.

2:30-3:00 – Nighttime routine. Bed